by Joe Siano
Happy Birthing
Person Day!
Sometime around my 50th
year on Earth I leaned that my Birthing Person did not want me. The person who I always thought was my
Birthing person turned out to be my Adopting Person.
To this day I consider my Adopting
Person to be my one and only Birthing Person – who saved, scrimped suffered and
sacrificed for me. Happy Birthing Person
Day! I wish that I was nicer to you
while you were still alive..
Along my Adopting Person I got two folks
who I thought were my Grand Birthing People.
One Italian and the other Hungarian.
Although they turned out to Grand Adopting People they were indeed
Grand. They treated me with such love,
tenderness and generosity that I never suspected that I was anything but their flesh
and blood. Happy Birthing Person Day to
both of you.
My wife is not only my true love, best friend
and the rock that grounds me, She is a marvelous Step Birthing Person to our
two sons and a doting Step Grand Birthing Person to our grand kids. Happy Birthing Person Day to you, Sweetheart.
To the biological Birthing Person
of my sons, I apologize for any pain that I caused you. We can be proud of the
boys. Happy Birthing Person Day.
This new woke nomenclature may be all well and good but I struggle with it in my daily discourse.
For instance, it doesn’t feel quite the same to say:
“Which dumb birthingpersonf---er left the water
on all night?”
“Move your birthinpersonf---ing car, it’s blocking the driveway!”
“Get out of Camden before dark, there are some
scary-dangerous
bithingpersonf---ers walking around.”
My prayer life has been affected as
well. My Church venerates the Blessed Virgin. “Holy Mary, Birthing Person of God, pray for
us sinners.” Hmmm.
I’m sure that history books will
need to revised to reflect that Saddam Hussein vowed to fight the Birthing
Person of all battles against the infidel Americas.
One wonders if Irish eyes will mist up at the strains of Birthing
Person Machree? Or our Jewish friends
at my Yiddishe Birthing
Person?
Also, the entire Yo' Birthing Person snaps genre will need an overhaul.
But I digress. Happy Birthing Person Day to all Birthing
Persons whether you come with the standard equipment down there or the apparently, now-functional,
male apparatus.
BTW – If you are a Birthing Person with male parts, we want hear how you got the baby through there.
Kidney stones are tough enough.
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"Half
the people are stoned and the other half are waiting for the next election.
Half the people are drowned and the other half are swimming in the wrong
direction."
- Paul Simon
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