Thursday, February 27, 2014

The Nobel Truths of Climate Change



I have long admired the Buddhist diagnosis of the human condition and its prescriptive cure.  These are articulated in the Four Nobel Truths which may be summarized as follows:

1.       Life is suffering
2.       Suffering is caused by craving / attachments to worldly things
3.       To eliminate suffering one must eliminate craving / attachment to worldly things
4.       To eliminate said cravings, one must follow the enlightened path

All too often, climate change debates generate very little light and far too much heat.  Therefore I propose that we look eastward to find a more enlightened approach.  Borrowing from the Buddha, let me suggest an enlightened framework to the climate controversy:

1.       Climate change will cause planetary suffering
2.       Climate change is caused by peoples seeking to improve their lives via energy expending devices*
3.       To eliminate climate change one must eliminate people
4.       To eliminate people one must a have plan

Every plan needs a priority list.  Here is my list of people who should lead our way off the planet.



1.       Albert Gore.  As we all know, Al is a compassionate guy who has no personal stake or profit motive behind his climate change crusade.  I am sure that being the altruistic person that he is he would gladly lead the much needed parade off of the planet



2.       The United Nations Climate Change Conference – the Apostles of Al.  I am sure that they would follow the Prophet wherever he leads for the good Mother Earth.

3.       President Obama – a truly Christ-like gesture by the Anointed One to take one for the team.  A big exit would cement the legacy.


4.       The OPEC nations.  If oil producers are the villains, they gotta go.   


5.       The Bushes – kissy face friends and protectors of OPEC oil sheikhs.

6.       Jerry Jones – another Texan.  Billionaire oil wildcatter.  Owner of the Dallas Cowboys.  Dick.



7.       With apologies to Loretta Lynn – the coal producing states.  They tell me that coal is worse that oil, but I cut them some slack and put them after OPEC because they are Americans.  Nonetheless, they gotta go.


8.       Michael Moore – the guy has got to be a one man methane factory.  Taking him will spare thousands of others who, combined, do not produce nearly the volume gas that he expels.  Sadly, I confess that I have soft spot in my heart for Michael for his great work in the Star Wars movies.



9.       Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus.  Why not?

Like 500 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean, this is a good start.  Nonetheless, a lot more people need to go before the earth will be safe again for humanity.

*For you contrarians out there, here is a link to purported benefits of carbon.  It will make some nice reading for a cold winter’s day.



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"Half the people are stoned and the other half are waiting for the next election.
Half the people are drowned and the other half are swimming in the wrong direction."
Paul Simon