Friday, May 2, 2014

The Hook Up Truck

(The following musical selection is recommended as
an accompaniment to this article.)

American ingenuity strikes again!  San Francisco artist, Spy Emerson, just rolled out his latest creation, The Hook Up Truck.  The truck is “a box truck converted to a sex suite on wheels” where you and, whomever, can enjoy a convenient and seemingly sanitary roll in the hay.

Currently the lone Hook Up Truck exists only as a “conceptual art’ installation”.  But you can bet that it won’t take long for America’s entrepreneurs to grasp the possibilities. 
When that happens, you know that religious conservatives will denounce it as the end of Western Civilization and call for their banning.

Liberals will embrace the idea until it starts to make profits.  Then they will be envious of anyone with an idea that they missed and want to see it taxed.  Soon they will see hook up trucks as an entitlement that the well-to-do can enjoy but the poor do not.  They will insist that “free” hook up truck service be provided to their cities’ worst neighborhoods where the drivers will be robbed and the trucks be stolen, vandalized or both.  They will also want them provided to high schools as a haven for safe sex for inner city youth.

Local hoteliers will cry “foul”, just as restaurateurs lambasted food trucks.  They will claim “unfair competition” as trucks do not have to invest in the same infrastructure as traditional hotels must.  They will also point out hook up trucks pay no property taxes.    Labor will organize boycotts until the trucks are unionized.

Once the hook up truck concept is co-opted by the big hospitality corporations, the politicians will be lining up in support.  Or course, they will insist on “strong regulation and oversight” to protect consumers and especially “the children”.  The big hotel chains will support layer upon layer of government regulation to keep the little guy out of the industry.

Someday when future generations look back on the history of the hook up truck, they will see it as an example of how Americans routinely got f**ked in more ways than one.

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