The Great COVID Experiment

 by Joe Siano

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

As football season fast approaches the National Football League will join hands with the New Jersey Sports and Exposition Authority and National Institutes for Health to undertake the first controlled, matched-cell design experiment on the communication and spread of the novel COVID-19 virus.  This longitudinal study will be conducted over the course of the NFL regular season in MetLife Stadium, home to the New York Giants and the New York Jets.

According to Dr Anthony Fauci of the National Institutes for Health, “MetLife Stadium is an ideal venue for this groundbreaking study.  It is one of only two stadiums in the United States that two teams use as their home field.” 

Having two teams with separate fan bases allows researchers to create a closely aligned matched pairs deign.   The sample controls for:

·        Demographics - Giants fans and Jets fans are closely aligned

·        Locale – the New York Metropolitan area

·        Seasonality – the observation period will be coincidental

·        Climate - both cells will experience the same seasonal weather changes

Dr Fauci notes that the seasonal climate was a key factor favoring New Jersey over Los Angels where two franchises also occupy a single facility.  “The shift from summer, though fall and into winter allows up to see how temperature changes affect infestation.”

The test design is simple.  New Jersey Governor, Phil Murphy, has given the Giants a social-distancing waiver, allowing them to play in a packed stadium in front of their fans.  Jets fans will be watching Jet’s home games from home.

Both Jets’ and Giants’ season ticket holders will be provided with special Fitbits that passively monitor key health indicators.  Fitbits will also be given to fans who visit MetLife on a single game basis.  The Fitbit bracelets will automatically lock to each wearer’s wrist. They will automatically unlock at the season’s end.  Participating fans may keep their devices, complements of the NFL and Fitbit, an underwriter of the study.

To incentivize fan participation, as well as to alleviate anxieties, title sponsor Anheuser-Busch will provide each Giant fan with a $50 gift card upon entering the stadium.  This card is good for the purchase of any AB beverage at the concession stands.  “Anheuser-Busch is proud and honored to do our part to ease the burden on these brave and loyal Americans ”, said AB CEO João Mauricio Giffoni de Castro Neves. “This Bud’s for you!”

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell noted that that this undertaking, "underscores the NFL's commitment to social responsibility". 

In a demonstration of bipartisanship, former Governor Chris Christie was on hand as a special guest of Governor Murphy.  Christie, an avid Dallas Cowboys fan said, “Today we all Big Blue”.

A delegation of CEOs from New Jersey’s leading pharmaceutical and bio-tech firms was also in attendance.

 

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