Monday, August 19, 2013

Get a Free College Education

Germany, that great nation that has gifted humanity with both Marxism and Nazism, has again broken new ground.  Germany is now the first European country to recognize a third, 'indeterminate”, gender.

That’s right, German parents no longer have to settle for the boring old “M” or “F” on their birth certificates.  Instead, they can opt for the “I” indeterminate” option; thereby freeing their offspring from the tedium of boyhood or girlhood.  By taking a cue from their southern neighbor, Germans will be able to endow future generations with the blessing of gender neutrality.

What, you ask, does this have to do with getting free ride to college?  Simple.  If the Indeterminate option catches on in America, as the other aforementioned Germanic innovations have, the first generation of America “I-gender” children will be shoo-ins to win collegiate athletic scholarships.

As college sports fans are aware, Title IX is a portion of the Education Amendments of 1972.  It states (in part) that no person in the United States shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination under any education program or activity receiving federal financial assistance.  Its effect on sports was that colleges that offer scholarships to men in big money making sports such as football and basketball; must offer a comparable number of athletic scholarships to women.  Because of this, enterprising parents have been pushing their daughters into variety of sports in hopes of a free education payout.

Therefore, the path to a free college education should be clear.  If the U.S. welcomes a new, third gender into the mix, local towns and school districts will obligated to provide sports programs for Indeterminate kids in addition to their Boys and Girls leagues.  Likewise, colleges will be required to offer Indeterminate athletic programs to complement Men’s and Women’s sports.  And of course, these institutions will be required to offer a proportional number of scholarships to “I”s as they do to Men and Women.
My guess is that when the I-option is first made available most American parents, outside of Berkley, Cambridge and Hollywood, will be slow on the uptake.  They may skittish about branding little Johnny with an “I” if is not an alpha male or little Susie with the “I” if she is not a beauty queen.  But for those moms and dads with guts and foresight, they will see that giving their youngsters the “I” will virtually guarantee a free ticket to America’s most hallowed halls of learning.

When it comes to the future of higher education, the “I”s have it.

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